Breakups are the termination of a relationship, which impacts both partners. Every separation is a painful but unavoidable situation.
Separations don’t matter if the relationship has ended in excellent or horrible circumstances, nor would it matter whether you’re the one making the decisions or the one getting rejected.
So, why do guys say hurtful things after a breakup? Breakups, despite popular belief, may be difficult for guys, but not in the ways we typically think.
We frequently believe that just because men don’t express strong emotions during a separation, they do not really feel so miserable.
In certain circumstances, people do not even respond to the separation for several weeks or even months. Some guys cannot hide their emotions after breakups.
They sometimes say awful and hurtful things after breakups. This is due to the sudden shock he can’t take. There are numerous reasons why guys say hurtful things after a breakup.
How a Guy Feels After Separation
How well do we know how to process a man’s conduct after a separation or how he deals with this? Guys are more difficult to understand than females, especially after a divorce.
This isn’t uncommon for anyone to observe a dramatic change in male behavior following a separation compared to how they would behave after a few weeks or months.
Others believe that males will be significantly slower when confronted with this circumstance and will not even weep. Some people believe that following a separation, a guy’s conduct may involve rebounding and perhaps a lot of liquor.
Still, the fact is that when a man splits up with women, he will respond differently based according to how he feels.
This may not sound right to others, but for guys, it’s how men deal with the pain; however, because their personalities are so essential, this could appear that females would approach the matter differently.
What happens when a guy breaks up with you? Do boys suffer from heartache after a separation? They experience a wide range of emotions, but since they are males and manly, they prefer to suppress their true emotions – often even from their buddies.
Common After Breakup Reactions Of Guys
His initial reaction determines the way a person acts after a separation. Males will struggle with all these feelings regardless they committed a mistake that resulted in the separation or whether they are the person who pushed it.
When boys start missing you after a separation is determined by how they initially reacted to the separation.
A few guys quickly feel this and the urge to contact you and accept responsibility, while others do not, preferring instead to engage in other actions such as being upset or aggressive.
Guys usually undergo these following situations after separation-
- Extensive Anger
- Thinking of himself as a failure
- Extreme depression
- Intensive sadness
- Become emotionally numb.
Men, in general, will begin to feel these sentiments following a separation in no specified pattern; a few will experience just anger and uncertainty, while others will feel all of them until they find a cause to go on, but once they do, men will react to such emotions.
As a result, we observe these males’ actions when they break up.
Reasons Behind A Guys Reaction After Breakup
A guy’s attitude after a separation, like that of a woman, is influenced by his surroundings, the individuals surrounding him, how he handles stress, mental capacity, and sometimes even his degree of confidence.
A guy who lacks a strong support structure & mental stability will choose to accuse, seek vengeance, and be completely unethical to everybody.
Of course, a guy with a powerful emotional basis will feel upset, but he will accept and use his time to go on before entering another relationship.
Reasons Behind a Guy Say Hurtful Things After Breakup
He’s Locked In The Stage of Anger
Since you’re thinking about why he is so cruel, it might be because of his unresolved anger about the separation. Breakups are handled in a number of ways, one of which is through the 5 different grief stages: Anger, denial, bargaining, acceptance, and depression.
One cause why your former is being rude after the split is because he’s in the stage of anger and is unleashing his frustrations for somebody who has hurt him. He may be the dumpee or the dumper, but whichever way, he’s going through a change, and change isn’t always pleasant.
If he is upset by the separation, he should be angry since he may have embraced it for a while and then become enraged afterward. It is particularly true if he was the one who broke up with her.
The guy may have embraced it while he was separating from you, and now that it has all hit him, he could be upset for a variety of reasons.
He might be furious at himself for making a choice, furious at you because of the cause for the separation, or for accepting it. He is upset at the universe just because, among other causes, that comes crashing down on you in the shape of his cruelty.
He’s Processing His Feelings
It might be confusing not understanding how exactly he feels for you, which may lead him to react to you. Emotions are difficult to cope with, similar to going through the grieving process. Emotions don’t go down immediately or transform into how you want them to be at the snap of your fingertips.
They are difficult to control and unexpected, and they may create powerful actions for the individual experiencing the feelings, especially when dealing with something as stormy as a separation.
For him, this is a contradictory & perplexing period. His lifestyle and routines have changed, and therefore he should balance his new existence with how he thinks towards his previous one.
This is known as cognitive discrepancy, a psychological term that expresses the distress you feel when you have two contradictory thoughts simultaneously.
There seems to be a conflict going on in his brain if he’s establishing his fresh start but still has unresolved concerns from his past life with you, and you’re likely to get struck by a stray arrow.
If he still has affections for you, he may not even have reached the point of accepting and is attempting to persuade himself that he cannot be with you.
Perhaps he’s going over and over in his thoughts, coming up with methods to justify the separation. If you’ve begun dating someone else, he could be jealous. He might be attempting to remain ahead of your current relationship if he isn’t over you.
He Likes to Be The Victim
It’s possible that your former is being cruel just after separation because he’s chosen to play the sufferer. He’s in pain as well. The separation may have harmed his ego, and if it did, he might be desperately trying to find a way to twist it so that it doesn’t appear as if he did fail at this.
So, rather than dealing with this like a grownup, he might choose to play the victim and be miserable since he doesn’t realize what to do about it.
This is all because of the victimhood mentality. This one is particularly true if his hostility becomes worse if he criticizes you behind your back, claiming all was your mistake so that it appears that he did no wrong.
He might be acting and being cruel because he believes he does have the right to do so since he claims himself as the victim.
He’s Expressing His Actual Feelings
Do you aware that it’s a frequent misconception that guys can’t communicate their feelings? They may still feel that they aren’t permitted to express themselves because of society’s expectations of them. They still have the impression that they aren’t permitted to be vulnerable.
As a result, your former may be cruel to you after the separation since he transforms one emotion into another. It happens when individuals don’t like how they’re feeling and want to replace it with something they’re more comfortable sharing.
He may be trying to hide his vulnerability with rage and rudeness because he believes he isn’t permitted to display more “womanly” sentiments like vulnerability.
He might also be acting as if he is moved on from you. To persuade himself that he’s completely moved on, he behaves hard and cruel, turning his grief into hatred. He will not feel the need to be mean to you if he was over you.
He Cannot Communicate Adequately
According to the survey, 38% of males avoid discussing their sentiments with others as it would appear “unmanly.” If males are dealing with an emotional issue, the community may have trained men not to react emotionally. Suppose your former doesn’t interact and communicate effectively.
In that case, it’s likely because he wasn’t trained, this was appropriate — and if he doesn’t communicate properly, he may turn to become cruel simply as he doesn’t know what to do.
He believes you don’t understand the word, so he’ll convey it in a method that he believes would fix things for good by hurting your emotions. He may be unconsciously doing this to meet society’s standards, but it doesn’t imply he will not do it to you.
Common Breakup Reactions Of Men
Breakups can be tough for anyone, but guys, tend to feel hurt, angry and confused more often than not. This can lead to some pretty hurtful and negative reactions.
Guys may say things to each other that they wouldn’t ordinarily say out loud. For example, they might lash out at the person who broke up with them or start avoiding them completely.
It’s important to talk about these feelings with someone close – preferably a friend or family member who can help you understand and healthily cope with them. Some of the most common reactions are guilt, sadness, and isolation.
But don’t despair! Despite feeling hurt and overwhelmed after a breakup, most guys eventually rebound and start dating again. So, don’t be discouraged – it’s a process that will eventually improve.
Breakup Behavior Of Guys – Explained
After a breakup, guys often do some pretty hurtful things. This behavior is called ‘post-breakup aggression,’ It can range from lashing out via text, social media, or in-person to making negative comparisons to their ex in public.
Understanding why guys do their things can help you move on more peacefully. Guys typically apologize later, but it’s important to remember that not every behavior is intentional. Ignorance is never bliss. Here’s a look at the three main factors contributing to post-breakup aggression:
1) Pain and anger – When a guy is hurting, he may lash out in any way possible. This includes speaking words that hurt, doing things he knows will make his ex angry, or being generally hostile.
2) Powerlessness and isolation – Guys feel incredibly powerless after a breakup. They might think that their partner would never break up with them voluntarily, so they react with anger when it happens (again – speaking words that can wound).
Or they might become convinced that no one else could compare to their ex, so they withdraw from social interactions.
3) Romantic idealization – Guys often idealize their relationships too much. When things change, and the real world intervenes, they can feel incredibly disappointed and disillusioned. This leads to a sense of powerlessness in relation to dating again (especially if he felt like his relationship was perfect before).
Bottom line: Breaking up with someone is hard for anyone, but guys tend to do some hurtful things after a breakup due to how emotions play out. But don’t be too hard on yourself – it’s natural for feelings of anger, powerlessness, and disillusionment to boil over after a breakup.
Conclusion
If men’s relationships end, why do they say these horrible things? He felt clearly hurt and responded defensively, as many individuals do, in an attempt to defend himself. Imagine yourself in his condition for a moment. He might felt used, not that you did, because that’s how he did feel.
When a guy is in distress and doesn’t understand how to cope with it, the one and the only way they can defend himself is to lash out at whoever has wounded him.
This is not the best approach to handle situations, yet few individuals are trained on how to cope with stress and discomfort. I hope now you know why do guys say hurtful things after a breakup.
FAQs
1. Is It Ever Okay To Talk To My Ex Again?
It’s usually best not to speak with our exes after a breakup. Why? Well, because it can be difficult to move on from the relationship, and sometimes it’s easy for us to lash out at them in hurtful ways.
Talking to them can often only make things worse. On the other hand, sometimes, talking to them can actually help repair the relationship. However, sometimes it just creates more drama.
So the key is, to be honest with yourself about what will work best for you in this situation. Only then can you make the best decision for your heart and closure.
2. How Can I Deal With The Fact That My Ex Is Still Thinking About Me?
It can be difficult to move on when someone you love has broken your heart. You may feel constantly wondering if the person is thinking about you or if they’re doing better without you.
It can be tough to let go of what once was. However, it’s important to remember that this breakup is only temporary and that you should concentrate on your own life and doing things that make you happy.
If counseling or therapy is something that you feel is necessary in order for you to heal emotionally from this breakup, then, by all means, do seek out help. These professionals can help you deal with the pain and start moving on.
Above all else, it’s important to remember that this is a difficult process, but by remembering the good times you had with your ex and focusing on the future rather than the past, you’ll be able to get through this difficult time.
3. What Are Some Of The Most Common Things Guys Say To Girls After A Breakup?
It can be really hard for a guy to break up with a girl. And as emotions run high, he may say things to her that are hurtful, embarrassing, or simply unkind.
Some of the most common things guys say to girls after a breakup include calling them names (like “jealous” or “stupid”), telling them they’re dead to him, and making fun of them.
Guys may even try to guilt the girl into getting back together with them. Remember: these comments only come from a place of hurt and sadness. They aren’t meant to hurt you but just express how badly the guy is feeling now.
4. What Should I Do If My Ex Starts Dating Other People?
If your ex starts dating other people, take legal action. The first thing you should do is to try and understand why your ex might be doing this.
Once you understand the situation better, don’t respond in a way that will make things worse. Stay calm and collected, and contact an attorney to get started on your case. Remember that you’re not responsible for your ex’s actions, and there is nothing you can do to change them.
However, you can protect yourself from future hurt and damage by taking legal action.
5. Are There Any Words Or Phrases That Are Especially Hurtful To Hear After A Breakup?
After a breakup, guys may want to hear things like “I’m still thinking of you” or “I miss you.” These phrases validate their feelings and show they’re still on the guy’s mind. Additionally, after a breakup, guys may say things like “I was just trying to be nice” or “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”
These phrases minimize the hurtful behavior that took place during the breakup and make the guy seem as though he was in the wrong. Remember, these comments only come from a place of hurt and sadness. They aren’t meant to hurt you but just express how badly the guy is feeling now.