You may have just broken up with your narcissist, and you’re wondering why he’s ignoring you. Maybe the relationship ended badly, and now he’s not even speaking to you, or maybe it was a mutual decision, and you’re both trying to move on separately.
Either way, it can be incredibly frustrating when your ex continues to ignore you after a breakup.
The narcissist ignoring me after break up. This kind of behavior is typical of narcissists, especially malignant narcissists who are incapable of empathy.
But the question remains, why do narcissists ignore me after breaking up? Our experts are with you to answer more questions like this. So let’s get started.
Did Narcissists Ignore Me After Break Up? Why?
They live in a world of delusion, illusion, grandiosity, and entitlement. When they truly love you (a rare occasion), they will be capable of showing restraint, patience, tolerance, empathy, and compassion.
This does not mean that deep down, they are not damaged individuals. It only means that they can function at a level of normalcy in a relationship, perhaps even better than most.
They know how to mirror the people around them and give back what they have learned will keep them attached – admiration, adoration, flattery, and praise. The problem arises when they begin to devalue you – their “False Self” begins to show through.
Suddenly, you are unworthy of their unconditional love, you are no longer mirroring them, and they see you for what they believe you are – an extension of themselves.
The narcissist is capable of being consumed by his False Self or Ego. He will then abandon the True Self or Soul, even though it does not serve his best interests.
The narcissist tends to blind his True Self with grandiosity, unlimited power and wealth fantasies, sexual conquests (which are never enough), etc.
When he is living in the false self/ego state, he will only be capable of seeing you as an object that reflects on him – worthy or unworthy. He will not be capable of knowing or understanding that he is hurting you.
He cannot feel anything; otherwise, his False Ego would be threatened, and the narcissistic injury could bring it to its knees. This is when he becomes emotionally callous with no ability to empathize.
At this point, you are worthless to him because if you knew who he was, you would abandon him. He must now devalue you before he can rebuild his False Ego to the point where it is again capable of withstanding the narcissistic injury in all narcissists.
This is when they will leave you, ignore you for a time frame (time frame is used loosely – this may be anywhere from hours to years), and devalue you with derogatory remarks.
They may discard you permanently or tell the new supply (who they will generate when they return) that you were never anything more than a “friend.” The reason for this?
They need to make it clear to the new supply that their former love was not good enough – could not possibly meet the needs of the False Ego.
Breaking Up With a Narcissist
I’d never known what it felt like to be ignored by someone until the very moment that he hung up on me. After two years together, I thought I’d hit all of the emotional milestones with him. I found out only later that every milestone was leading towards complete and utter heartbreak.
Initially, the red flags were there, but I told myself that being ignored was “not his style.” It wasn’t until later that I discovered just how wrong I was.
Narcissists don’t ignore their victims because of a lack of care; they ignore them to make their victims question whether or not anything ever happened between them at all.
1. He’ll Ignore You in Person
As a means of demonstrating his power over me, he would sometimes sit directly across from me and pretend that I wasn’t there.
He’d also walk away while we were having small talk or completely stop speaking to me if I tried to confront him about anything remotely unpleasant.
This was never about not wanting to deal with me; it was about wanting complete control over every aspect of our relationship.
2. He’ll Ignore You on the Phone
Because I worked from home, I had no choice but to speak with him on the phone for hours each day.
At first, he would try to keep up a pleasant conversation while ignoring me during my off-hours or when he thought I didn’t have enough money to pay the bills, but it wasn’t long before he completely shut me out.
If I called him and he didn’t answer, he’d call me right back within seconds so that I couldn’t leave a voice mail. This was a power play meant to show his dominance over me, and it never failed to hurt.
He would also completely ignore my calls if he was spending time with someone else or doing something else that I couldn’t possibly compete with.
3. He’ll Ignore You Through Text Messages
This was probably the most frustrating type of ignoring because he didn’t have to deal with any of my on-the-spot temper tantrums while he did it.
He made me feel like a fool for even thinking that I deserved to be treated better. He would completely ignore my text messages or tell me that everything was fine when I asked him if anything was wrong.
Even though his words were easy enough to brush off, his actions left their mark.
4. He’ll Ignore You Through Email
Strangely enough, he never committed the same types of digital infidelities with me that he did with other women.
I was completely in the dark when it came to his online life, but I couldn’t help wondering what kind of things he’d say to them if we weren’t together.
He’d never completely ignore an email from me, but he would take forever to respond or stop communicating altogether.
5. His Social Media Will Fade Into the Background
To say that I was obsessed with his social media presence is putting it lightly. Everything else in my life took a backseat to what he was doing on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.
When he finally unfriended me on Facebook or switched his relationship status to “single” as an act of passive aggression, I lost it.
He would also sometimes post cryptic updates about our relationship for everyone to read without actually mentioning my name directly.
These posts were always vague enough that only I would be hurt by them, but it was almost uncontrollable to stay updated on all of the drama.
6. He’ll Ignore You in Real Life
He never wanted me to meet anyone that he knew, go anywhere where he might be, or even think about talking to other men. That included family members because they always took my side when we argued.
His rage got more intense each time he saw me with a new guy, and it eventually led to him completely ignoring me for months at a time. If I tried to confront him about it, he would make up an excuse or get angry enough that I backed off immediately.
7. He’ll Ignore You When You Fight
It was never about winning or losing a fight with him, and it was about making me feel small and powerless at all times. That meant he wouldn’t even flinch when I tried to get in his face after he said something particularly hurtful.
The only way I could win a fight was to walk away from him instead of engaging because he liked to prove that he was in control of my emotions.
8. He’ll Ignore You When You’re Having Sex
For all of the time we spent together, our sex life wasn’t exactly what I would call “satisfying.” The only way I felt like his equal was through physical intimacy, but he always knew how to take that away from me.
He would always control the situation in the bedroom, which meant that he had all the power when it came to our relationship status. I might have been crazy for staying with him as long as I did, but at least I never felt powerless during sex…
9. He’ll Ignore You When You’re Fighting About Anything Else
Fighting about money, fighting about family, and fighting about our future together all led him to ignore me.
Nothing that we ever did or said was good enough for him, so I became obsessed with winning his approval even though it seemed impossible.
That’s when he decided that the only way to break me of my bad behavior was to ignore me, and the only way I would ever act like his equal was if he treated me like one.
10. He’ll Be Happy to See You Go
Every time we experienced an especially long period of silence between us, I started to wonder what he’d do or say when I returned to him again. It didn’t matter how many times I’d forgiven him because he never remembered any of the promises that he made to me.
There was always a reason why it would be better for me to stay away until he called or texted me with his terms for resuming our relationship.
When I finally started putting them into action, he seemed happy to see me go. When he finally saw his last chance at having me in his life slipping away, he called to say that perhaps it would be better if we didn’t talk again.
How to Get a Narcissist Back?
So, you have broken up with your narcissist ex. You may feel relieved that you are all done with this horrible experience, or maybe you are still hung up on them?
If the latter is the case and you would like to reconcile, there are some steps to take to turn yourself into a pest and ensure the narcissist remembers the good times with you.
- Don’t contact them right away. It may be hard to resist, but for your ex’s sake, wait a bit before contacting them through Facebook or email. How long? Experience varies among breakups, so it is best to let some time pass before reaching out.
- Once you have waited, send something cute. A picture of a baby panda may do the trick, or perhaps a meme that acknowledges your ex’s ornery character. Keep it light and short. Do not email an essay about what went wrong in the relationship, as this will only come across as bitter and annoying.
- Ask for them back. Don’t be afraid to ask your ex if they might want to take you back. You may feel like this is a desperate move, but it will capture their attention and make them realize how much they miss you, if only out of nostalgia.
- If you meet resistance, try asking them what went wrong. This will make them think about your relationship in a positive light. If you don’t get anything out of this, ask them what they miss about you.
- Avoid talking badly about yourself or making excuses. The narcissist likes to feel superior to others, so by displaying confidence when asking to reconcile with them, you will be more likely to gain their interest and further your chances of reconciling.
- Don’t be pushy. Don’t make promises about how you won’t make the same mistakes again, as this may cause them to hesitate before committing fully. If they ask for time apart, respect their decision and tell them you’ll wait until they are ready to talk again.
Conclusion
A Narcissist doesn’t understand the difference between love and brainwashing. A narcissist’s hot and cold behavior is one of the main reasons victims become hooked on their abuser.
Frequent highs and lows help instill dependency by feeding off each other – for example, after a week of being ignored by your lover, they might buy you a gift to make up for it.
The reason for this behavior is to maintain control if they can keep you unattached emotionally by pulling away or pushing you away – so their attention can be the only attention that matters to you.
I hope now you know what to do when narcissist ignoring me after break up.